I’ve suffered from various degrees of anxiety and depression for most of my life. I’ve also been writing pornographic stories (”erotica” as some prefer to call it) for almost as long.

Some believe there is a connection between the two – that writing erotica can be comforting in times of mental stress. I don’t know whether there’s any actual evidence for this – but it feels plausible to me. I find no small comfort in watching and writing porn – I seem to be able to escape my fears and anxieties that way.

I understand that for some, sex is a source of anxiety. But apparently, sex is one of the few things in life I’m not afraid of. Oh, I can be absolutely terrified of approaching another person for sex – I can be afraid that strangers may learn about my secret desires – and feel shame if they do (for that reason, my author name is a pseudonym). My lack of fear relates only to the sexual act in itself.

Because unlike some, I find sex to be a thing of remarkable purity. Once two people (or indeed, one or more) consent to have sex, they enter a space where that act is all that matters. Where the rules and social structures of society no longer apply – and where everything is about the pleasures of arousal and physical satisfaction.

In his song “Five Foot One”, Iggy Pop sang “I wish life could be/Swedish magazines”. I interpret that as close to what I described above: A vision of a utopian existence where all social restrictions are stripped away, leaving only physical lust. And in a way, that is the world we inhabit mentally whenever we’re focused on sex and sex alone.

Of course, it’s not that social distinctions and power structures cease to exist in the sexual act – powerplay can be a very tittilating part of the sexual experience. But it is not taken serious as it has to be in the real world. Instead, it appears as fiction and roleplay – almost as a parody of the society we navigate in our everyday lives – a parody where all rules can be broken to enhance our arousal. And so we love to imagine the lowly sex worker aggressively seducing the stern policeman – or the downtrodden janitor ravaging the arrogant female boss.

Writing pornography has helped me explore my own sexual preferences – often inspired by what kind of pornography (film, images, stories) I could relate to or not. And while there is of course a lot of uninspired cookie-cutter porn around, I’m often amazed by the sheer amount of imagination the human mind is able to invoke in order to achieve maximum arousal – coaxing unbelievable levels of pleasure from the relatively simple act of sex.

When scrolling through porn sites, I often find myself smiling almost incredulously at just how many fantasies our physical lust can inspire.

So, no – sexual desire doesn’t scare me. Rather, I find it immensely comforting – and reassuringly pure.